A Big Dreamer

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

you're no longer here with me.

Well you can say that you will be there for me through thick and thin. But that are just words and words are not enough.

The problem is,
1) I called you in the morning to wake you up. That is the only time I hear your voice.
2) you texted me when you're out of the house, it depends.
3) you texted me after school just to say tht you're done, then ask me have i eaten and then tht's it.
4) you'll nvr text me after that. busy with what, I also don't know.
5) at times, you asked me what im doing. thts all
6) Im not happy but you are
7) you're happy because your happiness isn't me, its your friends.
8) But for me, my happpiness = you. But I know it can no longer be achieved.

tell me, where's the communication. You say those were just minor problems that I shouldn't be bragging bout. Tell you what, all of those minor problems are piled up tp become a major problems. Those minor problems were equivalent to communications and when there's no communication in a relationship, it is as good as nothing. Understand? Maybe your mindset about relationship is simple, too simple. Because you said as long as i love you and you love me, nothing else matters. Well scientifically, that isn't 100% true. Im not following by the book and never say that I always follow by the book. What about you?

I feel like letting us go. I've had enough of dissapointments and hopes. Currently, I don't feel the love. People say long term relationships are prone to this kind of problem but than again, why couldn't we prevent it? It suck, I swear. Everything seems so simple for you huh. When I say Im hurt or you;re this and that, your solution is always break up because you could never give me happiness anymore. You're ignorant. I can't wait forever.

You always say tht you're a fcuking 18 year old BOY. An 18 year old boy who wants to enjoy life, a period of life when you become the devil and so on. Well, I am trying so hard to accept it. Im trying my best to understand that you're 18, not 25. You're not a man, you're just a boy. But have you ever think, that Im still a fcuking 18 year old GIRL too? You said you don't want me to understand you but when I pick on you for certain reason just because I couldnt understand why, you throw tantrums at me. You ignore me, you scold badwords at me, you pretend nothing is happening. why? because you want to be happy and you don't want to stress so much over it. right? but have you ever think a about my happiness? Boy, you're not being fair to me. Don't blame me for that. You yourself don't want me to understand you. Am I right?

I want to let you go but I know tht Im going to miss you. Infact, I've already missed you for such a long time, eversince you changed. Indirectly, you want me to understand your situation. Indirectly, you want me to understand everything. I'm not a god and I can't understand EVERYTHING! understand?

People say " why must you let go of that someone when you love them? ". Yes, I believe thts true. But to think of it again, why must you stay when you feel hurt too much? when you know things will remain the same, when you don't get enough love. When you know that the only person who is serious about the relationship is non other than yourself. Think about it.

Yes, I feel like letting us go. But Im still holding on. Yes, I love you and I can't deny it. But Im hurt, hurt too much. I don't even know which is better. I wouldn't know which would be happier. To leave you or not to leave you. If I leave, I wouldn't be happy. If I don't leave, you'll still continue to hurt me without you realising it. HOW LAH FCUK?!?!?!?!

Haiz. It's natural if I get angry when you do something tht I don't like. It's natural if I get moody. It's natural if I feel jealous. It's natural if I think you're spending most of your time with friends. It's fcukign NATURAL. And who can fight nature you tell me?!?! Yes, god gives us brain and you should tell yourself tht too! Not only me. get it?!?!?!?! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Im getting sobber as days passed sia. :(

BUt whatever it is, life has to go on. Yes, I am broken but I still have to say " It's alright, it's okay! ". I'm so much better without you!

7:07 PM
Yours truly.

<>
	Tuesday, November 17, 2009 you're no longer here with me. Well you can say that you will be there for me through thick and thin. But that are just words and words are not enough. The problem is, 1) I called you in the morning to wake you up. That is the only time I hear your voice. 2) you texted me when you're out of the house, it depends. 3) you texted me after school just to say tht you're done, then ask me have i eaten and then tht's it. 4) you'll nvr text me after that. busy with what, I also don't know. 5) at times, you asked me what im doing. thts all 6) Im not happy but you are 7) you're happy because your happiness isn't me, its your friends. 8) But for me, my happpiness = you. But I know it can no longer be achieved. tell me, where's the communication. You say those were just minor problems that I shouldn't be bragging bout. Tell you what, all of those minor problems are piled up tp become a major problems. Those minor problems were equivalent to communications and when there's no communication in a relationship, it is as good as nothing. Understand? Maybe your mindset about relationship is simple, too simple. Because you said as long as i love you and you love me, nothing else matters. Well scientifically, that isn't 100% true. Im not following by the book and never say that I always follow by the book. What about you? I feel like letting us go. I've had enough of dissapointments and hopes. Currently, I don't feel the love. People say long term relationships are prone to this kind of problem but than again, why couldn't we prevent it? It suck, I swear. Everything seems so simple for you huh. When I say Im hurt or you;re this and that, your solution is always break up because you could never give me happiness anymore. You're ignorant. I can't wait forever. You always say tht you're a fcuking 18 year old BOY. An 18 year old boy who wants to enjoy life, a period of life when you become the devil and so on. Well, I am trying so hard to accept it. Im trying my best to understand that you're 18, not 25. You're not a man, you're just a boy. But have you ever think, that Im still a fcuking 18 year old GIRL too? You said you don't want me to understand you but when I pick on you for certain reason just because I couldnt understand why, you throw tantrums at me. You ignore me, you scold badwords at me, you pretend nothing is happening. why? because you want to be happy and you don't want to stress so much over it. right? but have you ever think a about my happiness? Boy, you're not being fair to me. Don't blame me for that. You yourself don't want me to understand you. Am I right? I want to let you go but I know tht Im going to miss you. Infact, I've already missed you for such a long time, eversince you changed. Indirectly, you want me to understand your situation. Indirectly, you want me to understand everything. I'm not a god and I can't understand EVERYTHING! understand? People say " why must you let go of that someone when you love them? ". Yes, I believe thts true. But to think of it again, why must you stay when you feel hurt too much? when you know things will remain the same, when you don't get enough love. When you know that the only person who is serious about the relationship is non other than yourself. Think about it. Yes, I feel like letting us go. But Im still holding on. Yes, I love you and I can't deny it. But Im hurt, hurt too much. I don't even know which is better. I wouldn't know which would be happier. To leave you or not to leave you. If I leave, I wouldn't be happy. If I don't leave, you'll still continue to hurt me without you realising it. HOW LAH FCUK?!?!?!?! Haiz. It's natural if I get angry when you do something tht I don't like. It's natural if I get moody. It's natural if I feel jealous. It's natural if I think you're spending most of your time with friends. It's fcukign NATURAL. And who can fight nature you tell me?!?! Yes, god gives us brain and you should tell yourself tht too! Not only me. get it?!?!?!?! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Im getting sobber as days passed sia. :( BUt whatever it is, life has to go on. Yes, I am broken but I still have to say " It's alright, it's okay! ". I'm so much better without you! 7:07 PM Yours truly.	Yours Truly Syahirah. 18. Republic Poly. Pharmaceutical Science. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day. And oh, don't forget to fly. 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