A Big Dreamer

Monday, November 30, 2009

Of all those things he had said and done to me. I couldn't see the reason why I have to hate him. I could still feel the love for him. They might say I don't love him and it is just tht the memories made me like this. No friend, it isn't about the memories. It's about the love I have for him. That unconditional love. I still want him back in my life. I want to hug him. I want him to be the person I give my love to. I don't want anyone else, except for him.

Yes, he asked me why I didn't even feel angry nor hatred towards him. My dear, I love you. Despite of all the things tht you did to me.. despite of all the countless heartaches, my heart still go for you. I couldn't find any reason why I have to hate you. Because deep down, I know you weren't yourself when you ditched me the other day.. I know you lost your mind when you discriminated me. I swallowed everything dear. Everything. It tasted so bitter but the love I have for you made it so easy to swallow. I don't hate you. I will never. I am just sad. I am just sad that the person I love most did this to me. I couldn't hate you. I can never.

My dear, no matter how much you hurt me.. I still love you. I don't care if you can't say you love me first. I don't care if you can't text or call me first. I don't care if you can't be with me 24/7, I don't care if you lie to me. I don't care at all. Because if someone loves someone so much, this thing wouldn't be much of a problem. Maybe you can't make the first move because you're born like that. Maybe because the only thing tht is important to you is tht you know you love me. You can't be with me 24/7 because I know you have your own life to live. I know you lied to me maybe because you want to take care of my feelings.. maybe because you don't want to worry me or maybe you don't want to hurt me. I understand all that. I know why u became like this. I simply know why..... but I keep it all with me. And because I love you for who you are.

Ppl might say you don't deserve me but I'll always think the opposite way. I believe you deserve me. I know you are. It's just that you can't appreciate me yet.. or maybe you just can't see it.. or maybe you're scared..you're scared if the history repeat again. You don't want to give in to relationship anymore because in your previous relationship, you've given in too many times and it hurts you. I know why you don't treat me well.. maybe because you treated your ex too well and loved her like you've never loved someone before and it hurts you. Thats why you don't want to shower me your love because you don't want to get hurt again.. I know why you can't give your attention to me.. because in your previous relationships.. you gave all your attention to her till you can't have your own time for life, friends and families. You just don't want history to repeat again because you got hurt so badly. Bby, don't be blinded by all that.

But bby, ain't I different? The moment you pushed me.. I told myself this. The difference between him pushing me and him pushing her is.... He pushed me when I hugged and kissed him.. When I wanted to tell him don't go.. and when I wanted to say how much I loved him. He pushed her maybe because she wants to scratch him or beat him. Bby, can you see the difference now?

It hurts me deep not being able to talk to you. It cut me deep not being able to hold you and love you. You've made me a part of your life. Your family treated me so well. I've made you a part of my life. I really hope you could see that.

I don't mind going through shit with you.. I don't mind.

And I know why you are like this. I know why you don't want to show tht you're weak. Because after your previous relationship, you've learnt not to show any sign of weaknesses. You've learnt to be strong. But bby, you perception of strong is wrong. Bby, please believe me when I say I know you very well. You previous relationship has left you a scar on your heart. I understand tht dear. I truly understand it.

But dear, couldn't you see tht we're different? That our relationship now is different from your previous one. Your previous relationship is filled with hatred. She called you names.. she doesn't trust you.. she controlled you.. she couldn't understand you.. She called you names and she doesn't respect you.

Bby, our relationship is filled with so much of love and tender. Couldn't you feel that? Maybe you lost the view, but I haven't. I didn't called you names, I repect you, I trust you, I didn't control you, I understand you and I love you like I've never love someone before. Couldn't you see that bby???

bby, don't look at me as a girl who don't have pride and respect. You might be thinking why I still say imy when you've already hurt me..bby lets put it this way. I don't hold on to grudges because it leads me to no where.. and I see no wrong of telling the one I love that I truly miss them.

Bby dont say that Im too good for you because we're even.

Bby, I know why it is hard for you to say that you regretted for all your wrong doings and that you still want me in your life.. u just don't want to say it because if you say it, you think that you've given me all the power to bring you down.. maybe because you think you have lost the battle and man shouldn't lose the game. But bby dear, our love is never a game. Nvr bby, never.

Bby, dont see me as a hard headed person. It's just that, I hate to give up on people that I truly love. Bby look at me positively.

Bby don't feel stupid/idiot or pathetic after what you've done to me. I will always forgive you, I will. Bby lets learn from our mistakes shall we? Let's build sandcastles together, let's laugh and cry together.. let's go tru shit together because trust me... it's worth it. Because I've never taken you for granted. I've always cherish you..always.

Bby..change your perception towards love. Change your perception towards relationship..Change your perception towards me..Only then, we can be together happily. I'm all set and ready. I've always wipe those blood stains and wait for you to take my hand and ride together.

Bby.. lets crawl till we can walk again, and then we'll run till we're strong enough to jump and then we'll fly until there is no end.

Bby....I love you so very much.

3:05 AM
Yours truly.

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	Monday, November 30, 2009 Of all those things he had said and done to me. I couldn't see the reason why I have to hate him. I could still feel the love for him. They might say I don't love him and it is just tht the memories made me like this. No friend, it isn't about the memories. It's about the love I have for him. That unconditional love. I still want him back in my life. I want to hug him. I want him to be the person I give my love to. I don't want anyone else, except for him. Yes, he asked me why I didn't even feel angry nor hatred towards him. My dear, I love you. Despite of all the things tht you did to me.. despite of all the countless heartaches, my heart still go for you. I couldn't find any reason why I have to hate you. Because deep down, I know you weren't yourself when you ditched me the other day.. I know you lost your mind when you discriminated me. I swallowed everything dear. Everything. It tasted so bitter but the love I have for you made it so easy to swallow. I don't hate you. I will never. I am just sad. I am just sad that the person I love most did this to me. I couldn't hate you. I can never. My dear, no matter how much you hurt me.. I still love you. I don't care if you can't say you love me first. I don't care if you can't text or call me first. I don't care if you can't be with me 24/7, I don't care if you lie to me. I don't care at all. Because if someone loves someone so much, this thing wouldn't be much of a problem. Maybe you can't make the first move because you're born like that. Maybe because the only thing tht is important to you is tht you know you love me. You can't be with me 24/7 because I know you have your own life to live. I know you lied to me maybe because you want to take care of my feelings.. maybe because you don't want to worry me or maybe you don't want to hurt me. I understand all that. I know why u became like this. I simply know why..... but I keep it all with me. And because I love you for who you are. Ppl might say you don't deserve me but I'll always think the opposite way. I believe you deserve me. I know you are. It's just that you can't appreciate me yet.. or maybe you just can't see it.. or maybe you're scared..you're scared if the history repeat again. You don't want to give in to relationship anymore because in your previous relationship, you've given in too many times and it hurts you. I know why you don't treat me well.. maybe because you treated your ex too well and loved her like you've never loved someone before and it hurts you. Thats why you don't want to shower me your love because you don't want to get hurt again.. I know why you can't give your attention to me.. because in your previous relationships.. you gave all your attention to her till you can't have your own time for life, friends and families. You just don't want history to repeat again because you got hurt so badly. Bby, don't be blinded by all that. But bby, ain't I different? The moment you pushed me.. I told myself this. The difference between him pushing me and him pushing her is.... He pushed me when I hugged and kissed him.. When I wanted to tell him don't go.. and when I wanted to say how much I loved him. He pushed her maybe because she wants to scratch him or beat him. Bby, can you see the difference now? It hurts me deep not being able to talk to you. It cut me deep not being able to hold you and love you. You've made me a part of your life. Your family treated me so well. I've made you a part of my life. I really hope you could see that. I don't mind going through shit with you.. I don't mind. And I know why you are like this. I know why you don't want to show tht you're weak. Because after your previous relationship, you've learnt not to show any sign of weaknesses. You've learnt to be strong. But bby, you perception of strong is wrong. Bby, please believe me when I say I know you very well. You previous relationship has left you a scar on your heart. I understand tht dear. I truly understand it. But dear, couldn't you see tht we're different? That our relationship now is different from your previous one. Your previous relationship is filled with hatred. She called you names.. she doesn't trust you.. she controlled you.. she couldn't understand you.. She called you names and she doesn't respect you. Bby, our relationship is filled with so much of love and tender. Couldn't you feel that? Maybe you lost the view, but I haven't. I didn't called you names, I repect you, I trust you, I didn't control you, I understand you and I love you like I've never love someone before. Couldn't you see that bby??? bby, don't look at me as a girl who don't have pride and respect. You might be thinking why I still say imy when you've already hurt me..bby lets put it this way. I don't hold on to grudges because it leads me to no where.. and I see no wrong of telling the one I love that I truly miss them. Bby dont say that Im too good for you because we're even. Bby, I know why it is hard for you to say that you regretted for all your wrong doings and that you still want me in your life.. u just don't want to say it because if you say it, you think that you've given me all the power to bring you down.. maybe because you think you have lost the battle and man shouldn't lose the game. But bby dear, our love is never a game. Nvr bby, never. Bby, dont see me as a hard headed person. It's just that, I hate to give up on people that I truly love. Bby look at me positively. Bby don't feel stupid/idiot or pathetic after what you've done to me. I will always forgive you, I will. Bby lets learn from our mistakes shall we? Let's build sandcastles together, let's laugh and cry together.. let's go tru shit together because trust me... it's worth it. Because I've never taken you for granted. I've always cherish you..always. Bby..change your perception towards love. Change your perception towards relationship..Change your perception towards me..Only then, we can be together happily. I'm all set and ready. I've always wipe those blood stains and wait for you to take my hand and ride together. Bby.. lets crawl till we can walk again, and then we'll run till we're strong enough to jump and then we'll fly until there is no end. Bby....I love you so very much. 3:05 AM Yours truly.	Yours Truly Syahirah. 18. Republic Poly. Pharmaceutical Science. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day. And oh, don't forget to fly. 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