A Big Dreamer

Monday, November 16, 2009

Let's talk about my life.

So many things has happened between this 18 years of life that I am living. Some were bad while some were sweet. For the ad ones, I am trying to learn from it while I keep the sweet ones deep down my heart. Despite of all that, there are still certain issues that I am not satisfied with. I am still not happy and I am dissapointed with myself.

School:

School has been an enemy to me, especially when you're schooling at Republic Poly. Have you ever heard of " make your friends close but enemies closer "?. Yeah, that is what I am talking about right now. I am trying to get closer with school. There are so many challenges that I faced along the way. I have trouble dealing with my laziness and emotions. I always hate the part where I need to walk from causeway mrt to school and I always hate the fact that I have to travel with my heavy bag. =.= It feels so irritating. I always have a rapid breathing while I'm on my way to school and it doesn't feel so good okay. This is what happen when I no longer exercise. =.= And oh, Im not sure why but eveytime I saw Lina's face, my mood goes swinging. I don't like her lah and I've been trying to stay away from her but she keep on lookng for me. Stop bugging me!!! urgh.. besides, I always have the urge to partial myself. why? because no mood to continue and I feel very very sleepy and I can;t focus. Ya'know, the distraction in class is very very strong! But then, I've learnt not to bring my issues or problem to school. Bringing outside problem to school will results to disfunctioning of brain. =.= Having to know all that is easy but applying it is difficult. At times when I got mood swings, I tried to motivate myself but out to no avail. saaaaad kan. haiyaaa! Baby steps Irah, baby steps. I'm still learning from this. Yes I am.

So, boyfriend and myself are still unstable. I hate my weekends. I swear. But I am learning to accept the fact and I don't want to depend everything on boyfriend now. Because I know, I'm not the person who inspired him the most. ;) Well, I don't want to stress myself with this. I am taking everything slowly. Very slowly. I don't want to rush things and then get entangle.

I'm still thinking on how to make money to support myself. I need to get hardworking already. I need to start saving and spend on things that are only necessary. Yes, I must! I must! I'm thinking of working as a part timer but I don't think I am confident enough to juggle my time with school and work. I can;t even handle my school life now, what about work life. =.= So, I'm given $8 per day. I've work on some budget. $1 for a vitasoy drink, $1 for chicken sandwhich. That's for 1st break. And for the 2nd break, I need to only spend $3.00 on food w/o drink. So total, I spend $5 and I have a balance of $3 for saving. yeay!!! Let's see of this budget could work. :D Well, I hope it does! And oh, I am trying my best to go back straight home right after class. I don't want to meet boyfriend unnecessarily. I want to train myself. I don't want to slack after school because that would cost me money. =.= I'm saving, remember?!?!?! hmm, I'll give my best in this. ;)

Family has been great. I've been spending my time with family these past few days and I love it. :) I miss spending my time with family. I went out to bugis with family last saturday to shop for my clothes and then the next day, followed mom and lil brother to my aunt's crib. Had karaoke session there. That leads to a smile on my face. But the saddest part was, I didn't know if my smile was true. :( But nevermind. What past is past. :) I want to turn my frown upside down, all by myself. I am sick and tired of wanting someone to make my day. It's my life so it's my responsibilty.

Alrighty, I guess my post is long enough for a week entry. I shall stop here and continue this coming sunday. Toodles.

3:47 AM
Yours truly.

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	Monday, November 16, 2009 Let's talk about my life. So many things has happened between this 18 years of life that I am living. Some were bad while some were sweet. For the ad ones, I am trying to learn from it while I keep the sweet ones deep down my heart. Despite of all that, there are still certain issues that I am not satisfied with. I am still not happy and I am dissapointed with myself. School: School has been an enemy to me, especially when you're schooling at Republic Poly. Have you ever heard of " make your friends close but enemies closer "?. Yeah, that is what I am talking about right now. I am trying to get closer with school. There are so many challenges that I faced along the way. I have trouble dealing with my laziness and emotions. I always hate the part where I need to walk from causeway mrt to school and I always hate the fact that I have to travel with my heavy bag. =.= It feels so irritating. I always have a rapid breathing while I'm on my way to school and it doesn't feel so good okay. This is what happen when I no longer exercise. =.= And oh, Im not sure why but eveytime I saw Lina's face, my mood goes swinging. I don't like her lah and I've been trying to stay away from her but she keep on lookng for me. Stop bugging me!!! urgh.. besides, I always have the urge to partial myself. why? because no mood to continue and I feel very very sleepy and I can;t focus. Ya'know, the distraction in class is very very strong! But then, I've learnt not to bring my issues or problem to school. Bringing outside problem to school will results to disfunctioning of brain. =.= Having to know all that is easy but applying it is difficult. At times when I got mood swings, I tried to motivate myself but out to no avail. saaaaad kan. haiyaaa! Baby steps Irah, baby steps. I'm still learning from this. Yes I am. So, boyfriend and myself are still unstable. I hate my weekends. I swear. But I am learning to accept the fact and I don't want to depend everything on boyfriend now. Because I know, I'm not the person who inspired him the most. ;) Well, I don't want to stress myself with this. I am taking everything slowly. Very slowly. I don't want to rush things and then get entangle. I'm still thinking on how to make money to support myself. I need to get hardworking already. I need to start saving and spend on things that are only necessary. Yes, I must! I must! I'm thinking of working as a part timer but I don't think I am confident enough to juggle my time with school and work. I can;t even handle my school life now, what about work life. =.= So, I'm given $8 per day. I've work on some budget. $1 for a vitasoy drink, $1 for chicken sandwhich. That's for 1st break. And for the 2nd break, I need to only spend $3.00 on food w/o drink. So total, I spend $5 and I have a balance of $3 for saving. yeay!!! Let's see of this budget could work. :D Well, I hope it does! And oh, I am trying my best to go back straight home right after class. I don't want to meet boyfriend unnecessarily. I want to train myself. I don't want to slack after school because that would cost me money. =.= I'm saving, remember?!?!?! hmm, I'll give my best in this. ;) Family has been great. I've been spending my time with family these past few days and I love it. :) I miss spending my time with family. I went out to bugis with family last saturday to shop for my clothes and then the next day, followed mom and lil brother to my aunt's crib. Had karaoke session there. That leads to a smile on my face. But the saddest part was, I didn't know if my smile was true. :( But nevermind. What past is past. :) I want to turn my frown upside down, all by myself. I am sick and tired of wanting someone to make my day. It's my life so it's my responsibilty. Alrighty, I guess my post is long enough for a week entry. I shall stop here and continue this coming sunday. Toodles. 3:47 AM Yours truly.	Yours Truly Syahirah. 18. Republic Poly. Pharmaceutical Science. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day. And oh, don't forget to fly. 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