As I grow older, life seems to be more complicated. I've been lying around aimlessly with so much on my mind. Been there and done that but still, I feel sad, dissapointed, confused and so much more. Mix feeling isn't helping me at all.

School has been such an arse with e learning. I hate them. It makes me so lazy to wake up early in the morning and on my lappy. I hate that, alot. I think, most of the republicans hate that. My mind is not at its good condition and I don't know when will it stop. I want it to stop now, right now. I want my happiness back.

Im worried for myself because with how I am behaving at this very moment, I can see myself going no where. Stuck with the past and afraid to move on. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of everything. Wonder where my strength go to. Maybe I should start doing back the things that I've long abandon it. My 5 prayers. I tried to think of so many solutions to get myself back on track but it just wont work out. & then I gave up. But I forgot that I still have my responsibility to do.

School starts tomorrow and Im afraid Im not ready yet to face the world. I've been locking myself at home/room watching gossip girl. Hoping that it could make me feel better. But no, it doesn't. I want to go out, eat some dessert and just clear all the dust in my mind. I want to laugh instead of crying. I dont want to punish myself anymore. Enough of getting screwed and still struggling to get the screw out of my mind. Aaaaaaarrrghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont feel like tutoring today. urgh! I dont want to do something that I don't wish to do at the moment. Being at home isn't helping too. I wanna go out! I wanna get some fresh air! HELP ME!
I lost my track of time. I lost everything. I just want to go somewhere and sit! Feel the breeze of the earth and enjoy the sunset of the day. with.....the one I love. It's a wishful thing but uhh, I think I need to go there alone. yeah...ALONE. Every where ALONE.

done. :(